Sometimes, you just can't wait to get your hands on a burger. Other times, you get your hands on that burger, love it, and then, it kinda falls through the cracks. Because, life. 

But now my partner in culinary critique has drawn the line. No more burgers until I post this review....which happened at the end of April.

Anyway, a while back, we went into Bastion Brewing, just outside of Anacortes, to try the burger and rate it. We had already been there once before and had a triumphant experience with their amazing NACHOS, so we figured, "why not?"

This was the second time that we approached the bar, ordered food, and were told, quite politiely, that we were supposed to order food on the other side, but because the dude on that side was on a break, they would make an exception. Which was very nice of them. Both times. 

I ordered the BYOB, (different from the Bastion Burger which is half beef and half BACON), which consisted of a plain burger with vegetables. So I added cheese (.75) and fries (1.50) to bring the grand total of the burger to a whopping $8.75, which is not bad, given the state of the world and the affairs underfoot. 

The flavor of the burger was pretty good, and the vegetables, including the pickle, were quite fresh, though as always the tomato was kind of flavorless...but that is really more about tomatoes than it is about this establishment, isn't it? The bun kinda fell apart at the end, and our burger was made from hand-formed food service beef. Altogether, there was just enough of everything on this pub burger that it ended up making the whole greater than the sum of its parts.

The scores were as follows:

KURT:

• Flavor:                      7.5
• Juiciness:                  7
• Veggies:                    7
• Bun                           4
• Source                      3
• Value                        9.5
• Synergy                    8

SCORE:                             6.5


SARA:

• Flavor                     7.5
• Juiciness:                7
• Veggies                   7.5
• Bun                         4.5
• Source:                   4
• Value:                     9
• Synergy:                 8

SCORE:                            7

Generally speaking, Bastion is a pretty good place. The beer is getting there, the nachos are fantastical, and the Bastion Burger is now something I get to eat since I have gotten around to writing this burger blog post. The BYOB is great for people who like a good pub burger, and even though you most likely will have to walk next door to order it, even if you don't, the folks there will be very nice about it.

I used to love the show Cheers. The opening theme became a service strategy for customer service trainings all over the US for many years after the show aired, but the opening theme was not why I loved it. I loved the show because it featured actual normal people in situations which did not depict them in the best light, and what's more, it made all of this look entertaining. 

Everyone loved Norm, though he was an overweight alcoholic who avoided his wife at all costs, Carla, the server who would get you your beer amidst punishingly cruel comments about your appearance, and Coach, the guy who not only wouldn't likely remember your name, but he most likely wouldn't remember your order either. 

Amidst all this was a genuine atmosphere of acceptance and love amongst the characters, no matter how ridiculous things became. 

This is kinda how I feel about The Porterhouse, even though I am not there every single day, I can expect to see some of the same cast of characters there, and in one way or another, I will find something or someone in some way entertaining or endearing, and I will always feel welcome.

This is also why I put off critiquing the burger here. I love this place and I really didn't want to, quite literally, shit where I eat. 

We went to The Porterhouse, or PoHo as we like to call it, during Tulip Festival, so it was impossible to get our favorite place at the bar. We settled for a table down by the windows and I ordered the burger, and my partner in culinary critique ordered the steak. 

I asked Michael, my buddy, the manager/server for what he considered his best IPA, and he brought me the tastiest IPA ever. Or, at least it seemed so to me. It was a Melvin I think, and it was quite good. Then the food came. I was tentative because I didn't want to not like the burger. BUT, I did. AND, so did Kurt. It actually came as a surprise to me that the burgers at the PoHo come frozen and pre-formed, and gives even more room to wonder how important, outside of environmental reasons, grass-fed local beef is. Because this was a pretty well-seasoned, well cooked piece of meat.

The scores were as follows:

KURT:

• Flavor:          7
• Juiciness       8
• Veggies        5
• Bun              8
• Source         6
• Value          6.5
• Synergy      6.5

Average Score:     6.5

SARA:

• Flavor:      7.5
• Juiciness    8
• Veggies      6
• Bun            8.5
• Source      5
• Value         7
• Synergy   7.5

Average Score:  7

I have to say, the bun on this burger was as good as I have had. It is a brioche bun, the perfect size for the burger, but not so meaty and full that it overshadows the flavor. At $13, it is just about what you would expect to pay at a pub for a good burger, and the fries, as always were super yummy. 

If you want a solid pub burger, try the Porterhouse. You will get a good burger, a great beer, and with any luck, all the entertainment you can handle.

We had never been to this place before, but we happened in one day in search of snackage before an arduous dinner ahead, and discovered to our surprise and delight that they had a burger on their menu, so we decided to return. 

Seeds in La Conner has kind of a cool layout and the atmosphere is pretty cozy. When we returned, we sat at the bar, as is our habit in most places we frequent, and ordered. Kurt ordered the meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and I ordered the Plain Jane with Cheese. It came with lettuce, tomato, red onion, and mayo. I ordered the cheddar for $1.50 extra. 

We waited a while before the food came because my partner in culinary critique ordered off the dinner menu. While we waited, the TVs were playing a strange show called Biz Kids, where the children in question were talking about the business of being children, if you can believe it; ya know, how they would pay for college, what they would be when they grew up, stuff like that, in annoying and sometimes ridiculous skits. We asked our friendly bartender to change it and she did, to soccer, which was as much of a relief as drinking water is after a long hike in the desert. And I hate soccer. 

When our food came I was super excited. The fries looked perfectly golden brown and crispy, the bun was perfectly toasted, and the veggies looked pretty fresh. A whole half pound of beef. The looks of this burger was promising. When I smelled it however, I picked up very little. So I took a bite. The burger was so well done that it rivalved the lettuce for crispness. And it was at that point that I also realized just how MUCH lettuce there was on this burger.

Let me be clear: I don't like well done meat. Ever. I know for a fact this is just a matter of my particular palette. BUT, this burger was literally crispy on the edges. So well done that I really couldn't taste the meat. The lettuce and the bun were also getting in the way of allowing the flavor to come through, but I am not sure it would have mattered had the burger been cooked to medium. It is at this point that I will tell you, if you like well-done meat, this is your place. If you don't, you might want to skip the burger. 

The scores were as follows:

KURT:

• Flavor            5
• Juiciness      4
• Vegetables   6
• Bun                8
• Source          6.5
• Value             6.5
• Synergy        6

SCORE:                   6

SARA:

• Flavor:            4
• Juiciness       4
• Vegetables   5
• Bun                 9
• Source           7
• Value             6
• Synergy         6

SCORE:                   6

The scores are a bit higher than either of us thinks they should be, but in all, the experience wasn't that bad, we just happen to be rare beef eaters. The mood was summed up perfectly by Kurt as we were exiting the bar: "I would rather watch two episodes of Biz Kids than eat another one of those burgers."

The meat was grass fed from California, and at $14, it was about what you would expect in a restaurant/bar type place. We did enjoy the oysters, the meatloaf, and the other things we have eaten there, the burger just wasn't our thing.

I was not expecting much from the burger if I am being honest. My partner in culinary critique and I had gone into C Square/Third Street Cafe a few times before and had mediocre experiences. I love co-ops, and all their endeavors, however, so I keep going back, hoping for improvement. 

That is why I was dreading this meal. I did not want to be in the position of having to slam a co-op. Thank goodness this burger turned out to be so tasty.

As is usually the case at the co-op, Kurt and I sat at the bar waiting for the server to finish her conversation with her friend who was also eating at the bar. I believe we waited too long, but Kurt felt like we barely waited at all, which I believe is the result of living in the PNW for so long and having to tolerate bad service. But, tomato tomahto.

We ordered, he the shrimp pasta dish and me the Third Street Burger. As we waited, we watched the kitchen staff work and spoke with a staff member who I had worked with at the Community Food Co op in Bellingham. It was quite pleasant, though again, seemed to me to be a long time to wait, and Kurt felt like it was not. Six of one, I guess.

When our food came, I was optimistic. One reason is that our server took our food out of the window as soon as it appeared, the other is that the burger was beautifully prepared, and smelled LIKE A BURGER. Which is always nice. The Co op gets their meat from Double R ranch, so it is clean and local, and when I bit into it, I could also tell that it was cooked perfectly to temp, the Medium we requested. The burger was juicy, had a great texture, and was flavorful. In fact, Kurt proclaimed it to be the best patty he had eaten in both thickness and flavor. So that really is something. It was served with fried leeks, very fresh lettuce, a tangy sauce and white cheddar. I could not find the cheddar flavor in the mix, but the sauce added a nice flavor; in fact I would say it even helped bring the flavor of the meat out.

The leeks became a bone of contention between Kurt and myself, as he kept referring to them as onions, "the onions are too overpowering," and I kept reminding him that, "those are leeks, actually." It got to the point where he finally let me know that, "It doesn't fuckin' matter, leeks are onions, babe." So....after we cleared that up, we got to scoring:

KURT:

• Flavor            9
• Juiciness      8.5
• Vegetables   6
• Bun                8
• Source          8    
• Value             7
• Synergy        6

Score:                      7.5

SARA:

• Flavor           9
• Juiciness     9
• Vegetables  6
• Bun               6
• Source         8.5
• Value            6
• Synergy       7

Score:                    7.5

So, Leek Argument not withstanding, (Kurt thought they were overpowering flavor-wise and I thought they were a bit too tough), this really was a good solid burger. At $13, it is standard for a burger of this quality at a restaurant of this type, though by no means a great deal. The fries were pretty standard; salted nicely but somewhat anemic. My guess is that the co op has not gotten the memo about double-frying their french fries.

So, in sum, we both vote yes on this burger, my faith in this cafe has been partially renewed, AND, I basically went along with Kurt's assessment of the "onions" just because life is not always about arguing over the difference between "leeks" and "onions," if you catch my drift.

​

There we were, in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere, idling next to a caboose, ordering burgers, fries, and a shake. We had heard great things about this place they called The Skagit Burger Express, but as with all other situations where you are relying on the opinions of strangers, I was only cautiously optimistic.

Of course, when it arrived, and I opened my styrofoam box and beheld the burger in all its brightly colored, fresh-veggie glory, I had an inkling that I might indeed be in for a special kind of treat.

When I ever eat a burger, and I try to do this once a week at the least, I determine its success based on several factors, which I will only briefly go into. In a word, the burger, in its entirety must contain contrasts. The vegetables should be crunchy to offset the relative mushy nature of the patty and the bun. The sweetness of the tomatoes should compliment the sharpness of the onion, and the pickles should bring out the flavor of the patty and the cheese with its saltiness. 

There is obviously much more to it than that, but with this description, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this burger had it all. Though the patty was most definitely well done, it still held an abundance of flavor, and the bun was just sturdy enough to hold up throughout the course of my meal. As with other burger interludes, my partner in culinary critique ordered the double version of my burger, and I can honestly say that in this case, more meat did not make this better.

In addition, the service was incredibly welcoming and friendly, and knew that the burger was local-ish and grass fed. It was, in its entirety, a most satisfying experience. The scores were as follows:

KURT:

• Flavor             8
• Juiciness       6.5
• Bun                 8
• Vegetables    9
• Source           9
• Value              9
• Synergy         9

Final Score: 8.5

SARA:

• Flavor               8
• Juiciness         6
• Bun                  9
• Vegetables     9
• Source            9
• Value              10
• Synergy         10

Final Score: 8.5

 Yes, it was a fine day for eating burgers in the valley, and as of this writing, this one is officially my favorite. But, as usual, I think Kurt summed it up best when he looked up at me after the last bite of his double burger was consumed, and said wistfully, with a tear in his eye, "It made me want to hug that wooden burger and wail, Halleluyah!! to the blue sky above." Yes, there are even burger statues at this amazing place. They do indeed have EVERYTHING.

So the next time you have 7 bucks in your pocket and a hankerin' for a burger done right, look no further than Skagit Burger Express. They are making MAGIC in that little red cabboose!!! 

Oh, how hard it is to pay attention to a meal when you are watching your football team lose in the playoffs. I am giving Kurt a little bit of a hard time here, but, being a Bears fan, I have not had this problem in a very, very, very long time. So I will try not to be too harsh.

This Saturday found us at Anelia's in La Conner, a sweet little place with a great bar...though every time I have tried to step down from one of the stools my feet don't reach the ground and I almost fall. Which has nothing at all to do with how much beer, wine or whiskey I have had to drink. Nothing. At. All. I am just very short.

We decided to go to Anelia's because they have a screen above the bar and we figured that there would not be a ton of fans watching in this particular place, as it is known for its pierogies, not its TV. We were very happy to find that we had made the correct decision. They were raffling off cookies for each touchdown the Seahawks scored....so very few cookies were given out that day.

The burger, on the other hand, was quite good, in my opinion. Kurt is still not completely sure what he thought. The meat is from Fulton farm, out of Oregon, so not technically local, but the cows are grass-fed and the owner/bartender knew and told us all about it. 

When the burger arrived, it looked quite good, though it did not arrive next to french fries, most likely because the Polish hate the French. Just kidding. I actually have no idea. But, I was saddened nontheless. The veggies looked crisp and fresh, though I was sad to see no onion and no pickle for the burger. The bun size was perfectly matched to the size of the burger, and that, I thought, was quite impressive. There were two slices of American cheese, and some kind of pinky orange, salty tasting sauce/dressing.

The burger itself was seasoned, and cooked to a perfect Medium temperature. The bun stood up quite nicely, and frankly had the right amount of give without becoming too soggy so that is really was the perfect delivery vehicle for the meat it enveloped. Kurt thought the bun was too much, that it hid some of the burger's flavor, but I thought that if the burger had come with onion and pickle, the bun would not have seemed so overpowering. Seriously. No onion? No pickle? When everything else has been so well cared for? 

Whether he was right, or I was, here are the scores:

KURT:

• Flavor           8
• Juiciness     8
• Vegetables  7
• Bun               9.5
• Source         8
• Value            7
• Synergy       7

TOTAL                    8

SARA:

• Flavor             8
• Juiciness       9
• Vegetables    6
• Bun               10 (oh, yes. I did.
• Source           8.5
• Value              9
• Synergy         7

TOTAL:                    8

For me, I feel like without the pickle and the onion, the flavor profile is lacking as is the texture profile. Yes, if the bun had been less meaty, the Synergy score might have been higher, but I must ask, why punish the bun when the onion and pickle don't show up to the party? It is like punishing your good employees by making them work with a bad employee who shows up late or not at all, and when he does he is too hung over to be productive. Ya just don't do it. Don't make the bun be responsible for more than it can be. A great cheeseburger is a group effort, and when the group ain't makin the effort, well....

That said, this was a good burger. Kurt believes that the football game kept him from scoring it accurately, as he feels that the burger probably deserved a lower score. I stand by my score. For the record, his was averaged up, and mine down. Just for the record.
​

The good news is, The Seahawks are out for the season, so it will be easy for any fans to go and determine whether or not they truly like this burger.

There are moments that are special. Experiences that bring your childhood back in one sweeping rush of scents, flavors, and delightful sounds. 

Believe it or not, going to Wendy's to critique a burger brought about just such a moment.

For me, it was that Wendy's had always been just out of reach as a child. There were none in our area, (I grew up in a little village just outside of Chicago,) so that we had to take the long and arduous journey to Wisconsin to obtain these blessed burgers. We did not do this often.

For Kurt, my partner in culinary critique, it was like a coming home of sorts: "I was raised on Wendy's, baby," he said to me as he leaned back in his plastic chair, hands folded behind his head, satisfied with the double he had just consumed.

In keeping with the rules of the project, I ordered a single. And while it did not look in any way appetizing, it was delicious. I also made it my mission to order a fries and a Frosty, so that I could dip my fries in the Frosty and eat them as they were meant to be eaten....together. Unfortunately I got a little over zealous and only saved about one-sixth of the Frosty for Kurt. He was nice enough to forgive my insensitivity by noon the next day.

While I in no way believe this approaches the level of Nell Thorn or even The Longhorn, for a fast food burger, it was tops, phenomenal, miraculous.

The scores were as follows:
KURT:

• Flavor           10
• Juiciness       9.5
• Vegetables     6
• Bun               6
• Source           6
• Value             8
• Synergy         9

Overall:                  8

SARA:

• Flavor           9
• Juiciness       9
• Vegetables     4
• Bun               4
• Source           4
• Value             9
• Synergy          9

Overall:                   7

The burger was seasoned, and as we found out, most fast food places get their beef from out of country, and Wendy's uses only US beef, and it is never frozen. The vegetables were in my opinion, attrocious, but saved by the perfect amount of red onion, pickle, and ketchup. The bun fell apart half way through the burger.

What I always come back to is that seasoned food tastes better. Wendy's clearly knows that, and while the burger did not look like much at the onset, when I bit into it, it still tasted and felt like a burger. I can't say as much for other fast food burgers.

It is important to be aware that the less you pay for food, the lower the quality of that food, and Wendy's is no exception. But the fact that they make the effort to get it to you fresh (they don't have to freeze it to ensure this,) speaks volumes.

Being who I am, I will always recommend local beef, sold by an independent outlet. But if that is beyond your means, you will not be disappointed if you go to Wendy's.

This is the first burger of the New Year and with it, a new hope, that we can finish the burgers in the Skagit this season and move on to other areas in the fall. 

If you have to eat fast food, eat at Wendy's. It is just better. I am not going to include a map because well, they are just about everywhere and they all taste just about the same. 

Because its cheaper that way.

It is a sad fact of my life that every summer, my fella and partner in culinary critique must leave and go fight fires. Yes, he is rugged and manly, and that makes up for my sorrow, but about this time every year, I start to get just a little sad that the old boy won't be around as much, and yes, dear reader, this means that these posts will be even fewer and further between until about the end of September. 

On this sunny Sunday, Kurt brought me to the Conway Pub and Eatery, a place we had attempted to visit several times before, but each time it had been much too busy, and well, I could say that my fella hates waiting in line with a passion that burns brighter than a thousand suns and I would not be overstating it by much.

On this particular Sunday, we found an open table outside, after we walked through the strange bottleneck entrance which leads people through the bar and into the restaurant. We sat down and soon enough were greeted by a young chipper server who would refer to us, and to every other two top around us, as, "you two," causing confusion amongst the lot of us as to who she was referring.

The back eating area is comprised of a mix of different types of tables, most with beer umbrellas over them. There is a large US flag happy hour banner hanging on the far side of the yard, and when the wind blows from the proper direction, the fresh smell of cow maneur fills the air. In short, a delightful little eating space.

I ordered the famous 1/2 lb hamburger with cheese (only 30 cents extra,) Kurt ordered a steak and a Rainier, and as we sat there, listening to the blues playing inside, I pondered exactly what type of beer Rainier was (Miller is the champagne of beers, Budweiser is the King,) and was informed that Rainier was "Mountain Fresh." 

I asked him if mountains were indeed fresh, and he looked at me incredulously and stated, "It ain't rocket science, baby, at least not to me." Then went on to explain that water coming down off the mountains is considered "fresh." I am always learning from my fella. I think that is what makes it work.

It was about this time that the food came out, and it looked great. We looked around for condiments and found them in an old bucket on the table with other stuff. When I went to squirt the ketchup on my chipped plate in which to dip my fries, it was clear that the bottle had not been cleaned in quite some time. I carried on anyway.

The burger was delicious. It was seasoned very well, the pickles was crisp and flavorful, the veggies, (tomato, lettuce and onion) were crisp and fresh, and the bun was perfectly toasted. It was then that I asked our server if the meat was local, and she said she would go ask the cooks. The burger patty was juicy, and both Kurt and I believed this to be one of the better burgers we had eaten. The scores were as follows:

KURT:

• Flavor:  7.5
• Juiciness:  8
• Vegetables: 8
• Bun: 8
• Source: 3
• Value: 8.5
• Synergy: 9

SCORE: 7.5

SARA:

• Flavor: 8
• Juiciness: 8
• Vegetables: 8
• Bun: 7.5
• Source: 2
• Value: 9
• Synergy: 9

SCORE: 7.5

You might be wondering about the source issue. Or, you might not care. Many people don't. Well, our spritely server forgot to ask, so before our check came, I asked again. Even as she told us that she would ask, she seemed pretty tentative. It is something I think about a lot, local food and food from away, and I wouldn't say that local or organic beef has ever proven to be more tasty than regular beef, but, I do know that the fresher the meat, the better it is, and in general, the less hormones and crap in my food, the better it is for my body. On a whole other level, I believe very strongly in putting my money into local pockets, and when the places I frequent do not at least try and use local whenever possible, I will try to find another place that does.

Moments later, the server came back and told us that she was afraid to ask the cooks where the meat was from because it was so busy and they were all in bad moods. I had to laugh because this is the case in many restaurants; the front and the back of the house are sometimes at odds, for whatever reason, and what ends up happening is the customer gets the short end of the stick because the servers are very often humbled by the cooks.

So...yeah. I have no idea where the meat is from, but I do know that it was DELICIOUS, well seasoned, and altogether, a delightful eating experience. At just 10.29 it is one of the best values for a burger in the valley, especially when you consider that the patty is a full half pound, and as I have said before, and I believe in most cases this holds true, more meat is always better.

Sometimes, art imitates life. Sometimes, art imitates art. Sometimes, and this is the most commonly occuring event, life imitates life. This very thing happened the other afternoon when Kurt, my partner in culinary critique and I went to The Corner Pub.

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon in Skagit Valley. The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, and in the parking lot of the Corner Pub, a number of vintage muscle cars were eagerly awaiting the return of their owners. We walked into the Pub and found it quite busy. A number of people were out back playing mini golf and horse shoes, and many older folks, mostly sweet old couples, were sitting around the pub area hungrily eating their meals or anxiously awaiting them.

We sat, as we are prone to do, at the bar, squarely in front of the large screen TV and right below an old fashioned bell with a sign on it that read, "Ring this if you are feeling generous." I looked around, and felt an edge to the atmosphere; as if something was about to go horribly wrong, just like in those Jason Bourne movies. I looked back at the TV and watched the horrible footage of the earthquake. As I tried to follow along with the closed captioning, I became more agitated. The person or computer responsible for the words on the screen clearly had no real grasp on the english language, so the awful images on the screen were paired with frustratingly incorrect captions describing the events as they unfolded. I had to look away, lest I lose my mind before I even get to order my cheeseburger.

That was when I noticed that there was only one server for the whole place that day, acting as bartender, waitress and cashier. She was hustling and doing her very best, but it was clear she was in the weeds, so Kurt and I patiently waited, listening to Johnny Cash on the Juke Box and trying to avert our eyes from the woefully inadequate reporting covering the earthquake. Eventually Kurt told me tales of his youth, back when he was a champion yodeler in the great city of Portland Oregon. It was something I had to that point not known about Kurt, and it made me feel grateful for the time we had to wait for service.

When our server/bartender/cashier was able to get to us, she apologized and quickly took our order and Kurt's name in case she couldn't find us when our food was ready. I ordered the hamburger with American cheese ($10. plus $1 for the cheese) and Kurt ordered the Bratwurst sandwich. 

The food came out pretty quickly and looked delicious. My burger smelled wonderful and came with a big chunk of iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, red onions, and a length-cut dill pickle, all on a perfectly toasted hamburger bun lovingly cradeled by perfectly cooked french fried potatoes. Kurt's food came out looking a bit like a brown glob, but what do you expect when you put a sausage on sandwich bread? The reason those things are shaped the way they are is because they are intended for a specific type of bun. The sturdiness of the meat and the casing is often too robust for sandwich bread, and often, and in this case, the bread ends up falling apart around the sausage.

The burger was cooked between MR and M, and had a nice flavor to it. The fries, as always, were seasoned with salt and parsley, and it should be noted that these particular fries are Kurt's favorite in the valley. He has a penchant for thinly cut, crispy, well-seasoned fries.

The scores were as follows:

KURT:

• Flavor: 7
• Juiciness: 7.5
• Vegetables: 8
• Bun: 7
• Source: 6
• Value: 7.5
• Synergy: 8

SCORE:  7.5

SARA:

• Flavor: 8
• Juiciness: 8
• Vegetables: 6.5
• Bun:  6
• Source:  5
• Value:  8
• Synergy:  8

SCORE:  7

The burger was pretty good. When I asked the server where they got their beef she said it was USDA chuck, but if we had ordered the organic burger, we would have gotten...yes, you guessed it, organic beef. Too bad I missed that on the menu. I would say that the bun was a bit insubstantial for the life of the burger, the iceburg lettuce was rife with complacency, and the tomato, as is the trend these days, had little to no flavor. All were crisp, all fresh, but in the end, the onions and the pickle were the only vegetables adding to the flavor profile.

I bet you are wondering just how, in this instance, life is imitating life. It began with the incredibly long wait for service, got entertaining when the server/bartender cashier rushed our food past us and went out to the back porch in order to yell out Kurt's name so that she could find him to give us our food, and ended when we had to wait an inordinate amount of time for the bill. Much like the closed captioning on the TV, which could clearly not handle the rapid pace at which the news was coming in to accurate tell the tale, the waitress was not on any level able to handle the amount of business at The Corner Pub on this particular sunny Sunday afternoon.
She did the best she could, but I just could not bring myself to reach up and ring the generosity bell. Even out of pity.

I would say that the burger at the corner pub is worth a visit at least. The ambiance is pretty groovy, and the mixture of young and old Skagit Valley peeps which frequent the place make for excellent people watching. Also, their broasted chicken is EXCELLENT. I love it so, so much. I know this is a burger blog, but I just could not end this piece without mentioning that. 

It was finally, finally, finally time to go to Five Guys. I love Five Guys. Their fries, their peanuts, their burgers, I love, love, love it. All. That is why I feel remorse about how I score them. I mean, I know why, but they scored lower than RED ROBIN. Yeah. I know. Weird. The best I can tell is that while their burgers are good, I believe this particular critique might have been tainted. Why? I took a bite of Kurt's burger. And it was WAY BETTER. 

The rules of this project clearly state that in order to keep a level playing field, all burgers tasted must be as similar as possible. So, I got the small burger. The burger with one patty. Kurt got the regular burger, the one with two. My burger really did pale in comparison, because, surprise surprise, more meat is better. 

I should have known this was going to happen when I walked in, I should have seen it coming because Every Rose Has Its Thorn by Poison was playing on their Muzak system. It was warning me. This horrid song from the late eighties was telling me that while Five Guys is epic, there is something about it that is a little sad, a little bit like loss, and that, I found out, was the flavor of the meat on the Five Guys single burger in comparison to the double. Oh, Poison, how wise you turned out to be, to my great dismay.

When I broke my burger down, the hand-formed patty was quite thin, the vegetables were crisp and cold, but flavorless. The bun was appropriately mushy; the more of the burger you ate, the mushier it became. The fries were golden and salty and as delicious as you would hope for from potatoes from Idaho. The meat is neither organic or free-range, but it is absent of amoniated processing. The service is friendly, the eating area is clean and bright. The price at just under five bucks is spectacular. All this makes up the beautiful and fragrant rose, and the thorn, oh the thorn of not enough meat. Why oh why did I have to bite Kurt's burger?!!?!

Anyway, the scores were as followers:
KURT:

• Flavor:  9
• Juiciness:  9.5
• Vegetables:  8
• Bun:  6
• Synergy:  9
• Value:  8
• Source: 5

SCORE: 8

SARA:

• Flavor:  6.5
• Juiciness:  7
• Vegetables:  5
• Bun:  5
• Synergy:  7
• Value:  8.5
• Source: 1.5

SCORE:  6

See what I mean? That score is just so low, it is almost embarrassing. Anyway, this is science, so I have to stand by it. Just know that I regret many things about this particular critique, that I took several bites of Kurt's burger, that my realization about the vegetables was such a shock, and that there is a certain horrid wisdom to one of Poison's more popular songs. The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
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