Walking in to Big Scoop Sundae Palace is delightful. The giant lighted menu on the wall, the red and white lights, the happy and fun atmosphere created by the old fashioned booths and tables, and the hysterically strange clown sculptures behind the counter excited me and reminded me of my early childhood. In fact, I would say it even made me feel a bit more child-like than I often feel. Which is saying something.

The gigantic Big Scoop Exotic Sundae menu on the wall to the left of the front door had 24 amazing looking sundaes pictured on it, and it made me wish we were doing an ice cream sundae blog instead of a burger blog. I actually briefly wondered if they even had food there, as there was so much ice cream paraphernalia up front, but Kurt, my partner in culinary critique, assured me that they did, so we picked a table and sat down in one of the bright red booths.

The service was quite friendly, though a bit slow. I ordered the Big Scoop cheeseburger basket as our project would dictate, and Kurt ordered the Avocado burger, noting the presence of sprouts on that one. I asked him if he liked sprouts because he liked to keep it fresh, and he looked at me like I was crazy. Which, looking back, now seems like a reasonable response.

Our burgers arrived in red plastic burger baskets lined with parchment. The fries, unfortunately, were crinkle cut, and were nothing special really. The burger, for the most part, was similar; a standard pre-formed patty, a sesame seed bun that smashed down when you held it, fresh lettuce, tomatoes, and onions, and pickles that tasted like they had been in the brine a few years too long. In sum; a conventional food service burger.  

Neither Kurt nor I thought it was anything special, and this opinion was confirmed when the server asked the owner who was sitting in the booth next to us where the meat came from. Food Services of America was her response, and later, when she got up, she also gave us a sideways look like we were crazy. Looking back, that also seems like a reasonable response. I have to admit, sometimes, when I ask the servers where the meat comes from, I feel like I am one of those ridiculous characters in Portlandia. 

To add to this uneventful burger, Kurt realized about halfway through eating his that there were no sprouts on it. Not that it would have made much of a difference. 

I was very happy with my milkshake. It far and away blew the shake I had had the week before at Red Robin out of the water. In fact, I would say that after drinking the milkshake at Big Scoop, it made me wish I wasn't full so I could have dessert. Yes, this milkshake had the power to make me want to stuff myself.

The scores were as follows:

KURT:

1. Flavor:  4
2. Juiciness:  4
3. Vegetables:  6.5
4. Bun:  5
5. Source of Meat:  2
6. Synergy:  6
7. Value: 6

SCORE: 5

SARA:

1. Flavor:  4
2. Juiciness:  3
3. Vegetables:  6
4. Bun:  6
5. Source of Meat:  1
6. Synergy:  5
7. Value: 7

SCORE: 4.5

My burger basket was only $7.59, which seemed to me pretty reasonable for what I got. I mean, it even included fries.

Kurt commented that after eating the food at Big Scoop, he would most likely not come in for food, but would absolutely return for a shake. This is the thing about standard food service fare. It really is nothing special. It is not bad, necessarily, but when you are sitting in a restaurant with red and white lightbulbs, clown sculptures and a gigantic lighted Exotic Sundae Menu on the wall, you expect something a little more special, a little less typical. 

My partner in culinary critique has returned from another grueling fire season, and to commemorate this occasion, we went to Red Robin. 

Red Robin was the scene of a horrible event in my life, one that would haunt me for many years to come. Back in June of 2009, I found out while dining at a Red Robin that both Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett had died. On the same day. As a woman who had loved Thriller and Charlie's Angels as a little girl, you can imagine, this was quite a blow. 

But my sweet and understanding boyfriend explained to me that we would have to eat at Red Robin eventually, so I agreed. As we walked into the brass railed, badly laminated bar, I noticed little tablets on the tables. Red Robin lovingly referred to them as "Your Server's Helper", but I saw them for what they were; just another sign that computers and robots will soon enough be replacing us. Yes, as a girl I was also a big fan of The Terminator. I can't help it, I was a pop culture junkie at the height of its glory.

These little "Serblets," our server Ciarra informed us, are able to take orders for drinks, appetizers, and desserts, able to cash you out, and, when (not if) you get bored with your actual people-like companions, you can also play games on them. Ciarra also let us know that if servers did not cash 100% of their checks out on the Serblet, they would be subject to disciplinary action.

​To add insult to injury the second game of the Cubs-Mets series was on and within the first inning, the Cubs fell behind 4 - 1. While I am a Sox fan, this still depressed me. So you see what I had going on in my head. Kurt was very patient with me about all this, and reminded me that we were there to do a job, so I ordered a chocolate milkshake and focused on the task at hand. 

As our short tradition has dictated, I am the guinea pig, so I ordered the "Keep it Simple"; a Cheeseburger with lettuce, red onion, tomato, and pickle chips, served on a perfectly toasted sesame seed bun with a side of steak fries. Kurt ordered The Tavern Burger, which came with two smaller patties instead of one, slices of American cheese food instead of cheddar, and some kind of special sauce-ish type substance. It was wrapped in paper, old school style, and arrive in a stainless steel basket. 

The Tavern Burger was really very tasty. If we had been reviewing it, it most likely would have received a higher score than the Keep it Simple did. Kurt asked me to mention that. Mostly because he really wanted to review that burger, but I insisted that we stick to the rules. He was not happy about that, but he went along because he knew that I was under a great deal of stress from the combination of the Cubs game, the haunting memories of the losses of Michael and Farrah, as well as the sinister presence of the Serblets.

The Keep it Simple arrived on a cheerful red tray, amidst very fresh vegetables and a bottomless (figuratively and literally) tin of steak fries. The crispness of the vegetables and the softness of the bun complimented the chewy burger quite nicely. The burger was not as juicy as I would like, but really, for a chain burger, this was fresher than most I have had. All in all, it was pretty good. The scores were as follows:

The value for both of these burgers was pretty good. The Keep it Simple came in at 9.29, while The Tavern Burger was only 6.99. This is the economics of chain food. The chains are able to buy in mass quantities in order to keep prices quite low. Of course, their food is not always sourced responsibly, and can sometimes be downright sketchy, but if you understand that this is what you are in for, then really, it should not be a problem.

I have to admit, if I had not been dealing with my PTSD, my fear of the Serblets, and my heartbreak over the Cubs, I might have scored my burger higher. I might have even allowed Kurt to review his burger. But I was just dealing with too much on this evening, and I figure I owe it to our audience to be completely up front about my brief but severe impairment.

I close this edition with a solemn vow that I will get my head on straight before our next review.